Thoughts like falling stars

2010 in Review

kangeru — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 17:07:34 +0000

Looking back, it would seem that I completed everything on my list to varying degrees of success.

It really an amazing year. Never in my life had I felt so confident about what I was doing. It completely changed the person that I was.

Now that we’re close to the beginning of another year, it’s time to re-evaluate and re-strategise.

Compared to last year, my goals are much simpler.

2010

kangeru — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:09:55 +0000

A lot of things planned for the upcoming year:

Go to France.

Learn to speak francais.

Fix my bike.

Dance.

Delve into the Toronto breaking scene.

Do a few stages.

kangeru — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 03:47:26 +0000

My new obsession is with breaking (or to be more specific, break dancing). But I’ve decided that in order to achieve a level of proficiency that I would be happy with and be able to confidently call myself a breaker, I need a serious workout regime.

There are four areas of breaking that can be mastered: toprocking, footwork, freezes, and powermoves. After speaking to a friend of mine, he recommended that mastering powermoves should be my first challenge. After that, you can concentrate on footwork; because once you get caught up in the footwork, you can get sucked in.

Now I need to develop a conditioning regiment that will allow me to increase my power and allow me to maintain and expand my footwork. And to properly do this, I need to devote mass amounts of time and dedication to this endeavor. I need to want it enough.

My goal is to call myself a breaker. Just like I once felt comfortable saying that “yes, I am a capoerista”, I want to be able to say, “yes, I am a breaker yo!!”.

kangeru — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:41:44 +0000

It’s always difficult to make the realization that the end of some things means the beginning of other things.

While I’ve decided to quit capoeira, I feel that my mind, body and soul are ready for new challenges. New ways of moving my body, new ways of thinking about space, new limits to explore.

Peace

Who am I?

kangeru — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:23:35 +0000

So there I am, sitting alone at a table in a Japanese restaurant. At the table next to me are a group of six people. All university students, and all Asians with Canadian upper-middle class upbringings.

In their eyes were naivety and excitement as they discussed their travel plans for the coming summer.

At first I resented them for having the wealth and the youth that I no longer had, but then I found it somewhat endearing because I do remember being in that exact place so many years ago. And though now I’ve become a different person I wonder about the things that I’ve lost along the way.

I wonder about cutting my ties with my parents and in a way I’ve also cut my ties with my own cultural ethnicity. Though it’s easy to balk at groups of people that congregate together on the basis of their ethnicity at the same time there is a comfort in understanding who you are or where you come from.

I’ve always tried to run away from “being Chinese” except when it’s convenient. I hated the idea of having my identity pre-decided for me.

I don’t know what my point is exactly; just that sometimes I don’t know who I am.

Desire

kangeru — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 17:27:50 +0000

I’ve decided that my theme for 2009 is “fulfilling all of my desires”.

“How self-indulgent,” were the words quickly piped when I relayed my idea, but my intent was never to indulge in my own debauchery, well not entirely. Rather my intent was simply to start doing. To take risks. To follow that voice in your mind that says, “maybe that would be a good idea,” and ignore the voice of reason that usually is quick to respond with, “yeah but maybe you shouldn’t because…”

For the longest time, without realizing it, I feel as though I’ve been living under a leaf. Observing the world but never taking part of it. This year I’m taking it all back.

family affairs

kangeru — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 04:47:38 +0000

I had an odd conversation with my father this evening. While I am touched by the effort he puts into contacting me, we just have a difficult time connecting. He started by asking me whether I had worked that day. When I replied that I hadn’t, he asked me about what I had cooked for dinner. I answered that I usually order take-out because I don’t have time to shop for groceries he started to lecture me on the importance of eating fruit and maintaining a proper diet!

This is the reason why I’ve always felt the need to keep things from my parents. They always seem to find something disagreeable about the way I live my life.

Then he asked me about my girlfriend. When I replied that I was single he seemed dumbfounded. I wasn’t sure why, it’s not as though they’ve ever encouraged me to have those types of relationships. You’d think they’d get used to it by now.

I apologize for the frustrated tone of this post, I place a great deal in the importance of family, but it’s incredibly frustrating to me that my own relationship with my family is so fractured and seemingly beyond repair.

kangeru — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 17:38:08 +0000

Well, unlike most of my summer goals, I failed miserably in meeting my fall ambitions. But in all honesty, I’m not all that bothered by it.

I have a great job, and for the first time in years I feel like life is going in the right direction. I have a feeling that 2009 is going to be an interesting year.

Things that I’d like to do: save some money to travel to Europe the following year, take up breakdancing, get a tattoo, date girls that I have no intention of being in a serious relationship with, meet and connect with interesting people, excel and improve at my job, get better at music in capoeira, devote more of my own time to capoeira and just be happy.

Things I wish I said

kangeru — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:58:17 +0000

“If you weren’t married I’d totally ask you out.”

kangeru — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 03:50:09 +0000

Lately I’ve been thinking about why things are the way they are, or more accurately, why things look the way that they do. The easiest examples that I can think of are graffitti and tattoo art. Both art forms have a very distinct visual asthetic but have the potential to be so much more. Why do tattoos have to look like tattoos. It’s so very boring.

Why do movies and music have to fall under certain categories for people to understand them? Why can’t a comedy suddenly turn into a fantasy and then a drama and back to a drama?

I don’t really know what my point is; I’m just tired of the formula and want to see the freakish side of things.